Remember our princess on Princess? Seems her prince has  swept her off her feet — signed on the dotted. The current owners of 3757 Princess must clear out and tell me they plan a huge “gay-rage” sale tomorrow (that’s July 11) from 7:30 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.

And if anybody mentions the word “Dallas Dirt”, a margarita may magically appear in their hot July hands.

They just drink it.

Next thing you know, people will be filling their swimming pools.

I ask you: what price range home can you afford with $7500 a month?�

Thoughts? �

The National Association of Realtors does not track swap sales, but a number of house-swapping websites have popped up in the last couple of years, most reporting steady increases in online swap postings, like Craigslist, which reported a 30 percent increase in house-swap listings in 2008 over last year.

So I wish I had asked our teacher about this in school. Vitally,  what is the role of the Realtor? I would imagine it would be business as usual for Texas agents, but since out-of-state agents are considered “foreigners” here until they obtain a Texas license, wonder if you have to use an agent or an attorney if the swapper is in another state? And I imagine there are some horror stories out there — about the houses, not spouses — anyone?

PS: Another trend agents tell me we are going to be seeing more of: owner financing. Stay tuned.

But alas, unless I sold a few dozen of my own eggs and an ovary or two, a $1.5 mil second home condo is not in the cards. That’s why I am fascinated by the option of Fractional Ownership, which would net me 21 days per year at the Ritz-Carlton Club and Residences, SF, plus the ability to exchange with other Ritz-Carlton properties around the globe.

A fractional ownership is a deeded title/ownership to a property for a certain percentage of time use in the property. Don’t confuse with timeshare ownership — fractional ownership has fewer owners, better resale rates and appreciation, says Daniel G. Morton, Founder and CEO of Fractional Retreats, L.L.C. At The Ritz-Carlton Club SF, a 1/12th one-bedroom Club Residence fractional sells for $239,000. You own the right to 4 weeks out of the year in that unit. (That’s $239,000 versus $1.5 million for total ownership of the same size unit.) The home is about 1300 square feet, comes with a gourmet loaded kitchen despite the fact you’ll probably only eat your morning yogurt in there, dining area, laundry closet, two baths, and living room which could accommodate two overnight guests. The master bath is huge and Ritz-luxurious, oceans of white carrera marble, soaking tub, separate shower, discreet potty. Acres of closet space. Of course the condos come fully furnished with Silicon Valley spoils such as entertainment center, at least two flat screen TVs, all the stereo and DVD gadgets, and special soundproofing so you won’t hear your neighbors. If it’s a larger unit you want, the three-bedroom residence can be yours for $399,000 for almost 4 weeks a year.

Not kidding.

As if the residences themselves are not perfect, the Ritz-Carlton staff is beyond amazing. They will fetch you from the airport in a beautiful BMW limo, email you for food preferences so your fridge is stocked upon your arrival, and greet you at the door every time you enter or leave the building. Need a rental car or nail appointment? Done. It is really like having a personal assistant. Fresh baked cookies fatten you up in the lobby (ask them for a route to run uphill in the city) and if you don’t want to take breakfast in your condo, pop up to the rooftop terrace for a lovely continental breakfast as well as evening cocktails. You can even store items in the building to lighten your luggage schlep.

If you are going to live the jet-setting lifestyle, chances are you’ll be in Dallas, then Santa Fe, then off to Europe for a week or two, then at a beach or ranch somewhere. Go visit some relatives. Then back to home to work. This is my thinking: will I really spend more than 4 weeks a year in one vacation home? Fractional ownership means I will share property-related expenses such as maintenance fees and insurance with other fractional owners. Talk about green, fractional ownership shares resources — how wasteful is it to have a home and let it sit empty week upon week? Why buy the whole cow if you just want a little fillet?

Why, said one skeptic, don’t you just go get a hotel room whenever you want to visit a city and forget this fractional ownership deal? Good point. But I’m getting weird about the beds I sleep in and where I land my tootsies when not in my own self-sanitized baino. As I snooped the halls of this Ritz-Carlton property, I actually saw how compulsively each unit was cleaned between guests: carpets steamed, draperies changed, even the air was exchanged and freshened. We’ve all seen the Sixty Minutes stories on how some maids “clean” hotel rooms — yuck. I take Lysol wipes to the Four Seasons.

Mrs. McDill’s tender story reminded me to remind my family that all I want for Christmas is a fractional ownership at the Ritz-Carlton Club in San Francisco. Many moons from now, they can leave me there to enjoy my final days and… if they are really nice to mama… I may just leave them that deed in my will!