I’ve Done This: Written A Letter That Says, “Sell To Me”!!!

But now is the time to write the opposite: Dear Homeowner, We are in love with your home and want to give it all the love and nurturing it deserves, exactly what you have given this palace the past few years. We can feel the love in her bones and know you and your family have enjoyed many wonderful days here.

About our offer: we wanted to explain that the amount is in no way a commentary on the home’s value or your great upbringing. Yes, we are offering one-third less than your asking price but we feel it is justified given the state of American Real Estate. Home prices have pretty much tanked (in case you haven’t noticed). We are pre-qualified, which was nothing less than a miracle (I say too much), probably because we pay our bills on time. Oh and no bankruptcies. If the inspections go swimmingly, we will buy this house and you will be free and clear of that mortgage before you can whistle Dixie. Or you can reject our offer, slap reality right in the face, and keep paying that ARM mortgage while the time bomb to re-set goes tick tick tick. It’s really worse than a biological clock.

To make you feel better, we are going to suggest strongly you accept our offer and high-tail it to Texas. Our properties never shot up like rocket junipers the last five years. Yes, it was kind of depressing when you got together with your California friends. We enjoyed a conservative 4 to 5% appreciation which, I’m told, has totally reversed (um, I am arguing this point with the Dallas County Appraisal District, please support me here). You guys bragged about those 25% values and now, well, those implants are leaking. The good news is you can take this offer, move to Texas, and still buy a decent home with closets the size of a General Motors plant….if, that is, you accept our offer!